MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MD — A local Montgomery County man who confidently announced Tuesday that he could explain exactly how county property taxes work has reportedly disappeared.
The man, who neighbors say goes by Griffin, made the claim after receiving his latest property tax assessment.
“I’ve actually looked into this,” Griffin reportedly told neighbors. “It’s not that complicated once you understand the different assessments, levies, special districts, credits, and compare to last year’s bill.”
Griffin agreed to meet with his neighbors and explain all the complexities in a sincere and calm manner. According to his neighbors, when Griffin arrived, he had already started reviewing his most recent property tax bill.
Witnesses say he stared at his tax bill for approximately 30 seconds before quietly walking back inside.
“He had printed a bunch of paper out,” one neighbor said. “There were highlighter marks, a calculator, and a laptop. At one point he used the phrase ‘taxable assessed value’ like he actually knew what he was talking about.”
The Numbers Didn’t Help
Griffin reportedly attempted to calculate how much of his bill was going to Montgomery County, the state, the municipality, and various other taxing entities.
“He had a laptop and a big spreadsheet open,” said another neighbor. “There were at least six tabs.”
At approximately 7:42 p.m., Griffin reportedly whispered, “Why am I paying this much?”
Griffin walked over to his picnic table, opened the laptop again, and started reviewing his paperwork over and over again. Neighbors say he has been sitting out at that same picnic table ever since.
“Its been several hours that Griffin has been over there”, said on neighbor. “He ran an extension cord to power his laptop, but he is locked in on trying to figure this whole property tax thing out.”
County Offers Explanation
Montgomery County officials said there is no reason for residents to be confused by their property tax bills.
“The property tax system is straightforward,” a county spokesperson said.
The spokesperson then spent 52 minutes explaining assessments, tax rates, real property versus personal property, special taxing districts, and why property taxes have increased.
At the conclusion of the explanation, everyone appeared more confused than before.
One county official even visited Griffin, noting that his condition has deteriorated somewhat. “Griffin appears to just be staring at his laptop, the papers, and continues to mumble to himself”, said one official, who asked to remain anonymous. “I tried to snap Griffin out of his little episode by reminding him of how lucky he is to live in such a wonderfully diverse and civil county, and also that his personal property is not yet subject to taxation, but he acted as if I wasn’t even there.”
At last check, Griffin was still at his picnic table.
MoCo Shit Show – Watch where you step.