ROCKVILLE, MD — Facing continued complaints from Wootton parents unhappy about plans to relocate the school to Crown Farm, Montgomery County officials announced a compromise Sunday: Wootton students aren’t moving to Crown; MCPS is going to move Wootton to Crown.
Under the new plan, MCPS will physically pick up Thomas S. Wootton High School and airlift the entire building to Crown Farm using an enormous fleet of heavy-lift helicopters.
“We heard parents loud and clear,” said one fictional MCPS official. “They don’t want their children attending some new school at Crown. They want them attending Wootton. So we’re bringing Wootton.
”Officials initially considered transporting the school by truck, but quickly ruled out the idea after realizing it would require shutting down I-270.“ We’re willing to spend hundreds of millions of dollars and airlift an entire high school across Montgomery County,” the official explained. “But even we aren’t stupid enough to mess with I-270.”
Under the current plan, crews will divide Wootton into approximately 47 manageable sections, attach each one to a formation of helicopters, and fly the school several miles north. MCPS said desks, lockers and cafeteria equipment will be secured before takeoff, although students sitting near windows have been advised to keep their Chromebooks firmly attached to their desks.
County officials emphasized that residents should not be alarmed by the unprecedented operation. “If you look outside and see an entire high school flying over Rockville,” the official said, “relax. It’s just Wootton.”