MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MD — After years of speed cameras, reduced speed limits, road diets, traffic studies, and millions of dollars in infrastructure improvements, Montgomery County officials have reportedly discovered the most effective traffic-calming device yet: deer.
Under a new expansion of the county’s “Vision Zero” initiative, deer will be strategically stationed along roads throughout Montgomery County to encourage motorists to slow down.
As background, Montgomery County’s Vision Zero is simple: lower speed limits, narrow roads, add speed cameras, install bike lanes, and redesign intersections until driving becomes so frustrating that residents simply abandon their vehicles and walk home.County officials remain confident Vision Zero will eventually achieve zero traffic deaths, primarily by achieving zero traffic movement.
As one county official went on to explain, “the slower the traffic the better, at least for safety. Nothing gets a driver from 45 mph to 17 mph faster than seeing a deer standing six inches from the pavement staring directly into their soul.”
The program is expected to be particularly effective during the morning and evening commutes, when specially trained deer will stand motionless along the shoulder before suddenly appearing to consider running directly in front of an approaching vehicle. Officials emphasized that the deer are not required to actually enter the roadway.
“The uncertainty is what makes the program work,” the official explained. “Will the deer stay there? Will it dart out into traffic? Will three more suddenly emerge from the woods? The driver has no idea.”
County officials say deer offer several advantages over traditional traffic-calming measures. They require no electricity, no construction, no pavement markings, and – most importantly – no public-comment period.
Early testing has reportedly been extremely successful, with motorists voluntarily reducing their speed well below the posted limit whenever a deer is spotted. The county is now studying whether the program could be expanded to replace speed cameras entirely, although officials acknowledged that idea will likely either need modification or may not fully replace the speed cameras since the deer do not generate any revenue.
“We need the revenue more than we need the safety” explained the county official. “Safety is a priority, but revenue is the main priority. Our residents understand that.”
For now, Montgomery County residents are encouraged to drive carefully and remember the fundamental principle behind this new facet of the Vision Zero program: Every deer should reach the other side of the road safely, even if it changes its mind three times while getting there.
MoCo Shit Show – watch your step